It’s been just two days since my last post, but things changed so immediately. Sometimes I wonder if surprise and spontaneity are part of the building blocks of Israel; maybe they’re just part of developing faith. Or maybe I’m growing up and learning how real life works.
Last we left off, I had no way to make money, and no job in sight, despite contacting numerous companies and organizations relentlessly for the past two months. On top of that, I lost my wallet, with 1,500 shekel, my ID, and some important cards. “You know I don’t have the mental space to deal with this now,” I told G-d, “so I’m just going to wait until You show me what to do.” My credit card hadn’t been used, so I knew it was most likely not stolen.
That night, both my cousin and a good friend of mine got engaged. Along with a tremendous dose of joy also came shock; I wasn’t anticipating the news to come so suddenly.
The stress of losing my wallet, not having a job, and the overwhelming nature of two close people in my life moving on to the next stage found me crying with my head in my hands. I couldn’t hold all the emotions at once- the joy, worry, anxiety about the future. I pulled myself together and went to the l’chaim (small engagement party).
Crying opened something inside me.
I got to school late the next day. During the break, the secretary told us that one of our classmates was sitting shiva (mourning) for her two-month-old daughter. This little girl had been part of the class scenery, joining her mother in the carriage next to her seat during lessons. She died very suddenly in her sleep, and the news felt like a ton of bricks colliding with my heart at 100mph. Trying to compose ourselves, we walked down the block to her house to mourn with her. How is one supposed to go on with everyday life after that? Going straight back to learning was difficult.
After class, I called the company I had interviewed with earlier in the week. I didn’t think they wanted me for the job, but was going to offer them a week of free internship just in case they’d reconsider.
Well, instead of showing me where my wallet was, G-d one-uped me and sent a new job. A full-time job, with set hours, which is LITERALLY a miracle, since no one until now has wanted to take a student who needs to take off time for school.
Training starts on Sunday.
I know it doesn’t sound like now everything is clear; my wallet is still gone, I still have so many emotions to feel out, but the reassurance that next week will be full of productivity felt like Hashem telling me “I’ve got your back.”
The best view is from the edge of the cliff. It seems that, at the moment when things are falling apart, the view becomes clear, and I can see it as part of a bigger picture and recognize the perfection in it. Then I know that I’m only part of the orchestra. The real work is to recognize the big picture before the view becomes clear… but that could take a lifetime 🙂